An Act of Redemption: Order & Chaos Book 3 Read online

  "I...I'm going to remain silent, and I want to see my lawyer first." I tried to keep my voice even, but I kind of failed.

  "How long have you been into tying women up against their will, Mr. Spencer?" he asked calmly. "Do you get off on having power over women?"

  I ground my teeth together in frustration, desperately wanting to defend myself. "I'm going to remain silent, and I want to see my lawyer first." My voice was tight with tension now.

  "Does raping them make you feel like a man?"

  Holy motherfucking hell. My breathing got heavier as rage began bubbling up inside me. I stared down at the table top, trying to rein myself in. This guy was trying to push my buttons, and I couldn't afford to lose control right now.

  "I see from your record that you were charged with assault when you were eighteen," he continued as he glanced down at the open file in front of him. "Have you always had a problem controlling your temper? Did you take it out on Miss Wilkinson?"

  "I'm going to remain silent, and I want to see my lawyer first," I growled out through clenched teeth. Fuck me. After that, I just kept my mouth shut as he continued asking leading and inciting questions about my relationship with Sarina. I tried to block it all out as best as I could, latching onto every bit of stubbornness I possessed. The detective finally and mercifully stopped when he realized he wasn't getting anywhere with me, and I was left shaking with suppressed anger and frustration.

  I was escorted out by a uniformed officer in short order after that, and led down another hall. I was then taken to an empty jail cell with cinder-block walls that jutted out into a long bench with a thin vinyl cushion that I guess was supposed to be a bed. There was a low stainless steel sink with an attached toilet in one corner of the small space. The officer handed me a scratchy thin blanket, and I stood there holding it in lax fingers, watching helplessly as the solid metal door was closed, trapping me in this nightmare. I'd never felt so alone or terrified before in my life, and as I slumped down on the bench in despair, I prayed that this wasn't a foreshadowing of my future as a convicted felon.

  **********

  I snarled in irritation and flopped over onto my back on the excruciating vinyl mat again. I could feel the hard concrete under me, since the mat was basically pointless, and my back ached from it. My neck hurt even though I'd rolled the shitty blanket into a make-shift pillow, so I was a little chilled too. No matter how I tried, I couldn't get comfortable enough to drift off to sleep, regardless of how exhausted I felt. Holy hell, I longed for the escape and oblivion of sleep, but it obviously wasn't going to happen. I sat up with a deep groan and rubbed at eyes burning from exhaustion as I swung my legs off the side of the bench.

  I had no idea how long I'd been in here now. It probably wasn't anywhere near how long it felt, but I was starting to wonder if my lawyer wasn't showing up today. The thought of being in here all night made me shudder in horror and revulsion. I tried to be grateful that I at least didn't have to share a cell with anyone else.

  The loud metallic sound of the cell door unlocking in the quiet room startled me. I leaped to my feet immediately, hoping like hell I'd be able to get out of this fucking room before I lost it completely.

  "Turn around," the officer said as he approached me with a set of cuffs. Fuck, I didn't want to wear them again. It hurt my shoulders and was humiliating as hell. I didn't have a choice though, so I turned and ground my teeth together as he latched them around my wrists.

  He silently led me from the jail cell, and down the hall. I was completely lost by the time he took me into another bland beige room with a large table and six chairs around it. It looked like some sort of conference room.

  "What am I doing in here?" I asked as he uncuffed me.

  He motioned toward a chair. "Your lawyer's here," he said in a disgusted tone. He turned to leave, and I heard him mumble something under his breath that I swear sounded like, "you sick fucked-up freak," as he walked out.

  I stood there scowling at the closed door, clenching my fists in impotent anger as I heard the lock turn. I thought it was bad when my dad said things like that to me, but surprisingly this person who didn't even know me saying it, hurt almost as bad. I was starting to feel like a panicked caged animal, ready to run screaming out of this place if I didn't get out of here soon.

  I started pacing back and forth as frustration and anger boiled inside me. Fuck, I needed Jen so much. If I could just hold her for a moment, I could get myself centered and pulled back together. Then maybe I could deal with this shit a little longer. Sorrow suddenly eclipsed everything else I was feeling and a bone deep exhaustion fell over me. I dropped down into one of the chairs and buried my face in my hands, trying like hell not to fucking cry like a pussy.

  When the door unlocked and opened, I didn't even bother to look up. I didn't have it in me to bear seeing that officer's judgmental and disgusted look again. I felt someone enter the room, and when the door closed I knew someone was still in here with me. I didn't give a shit, even if it was my lawyer. Just the thought of trying to explain this situation, and my sexual preferences to some judgmental stranger, made me feel ill.

  "Ford?" a familiar male voice spoke with clear sympathy in a smooth and slightly husky timbre.

  "Gareth?" I jerked my head up to see a man I hadn't seen in a very long time.

  He stood there in an obviously tailored dark-gray Givenchy suit with a ghost of the usual roguish grin that I remembered glittering in his dark-brown eyes. His short dark hair was artfully styled, but the stubble of his beard and mustache kept him from looking too clean cut. I noticed that his upper body was a lot bigger and fitter than I remembered. He was a few inches shorter than me, and not as big, but he definitely was into some sort of physical exercise that kept him in shape. His face was older, yet still the same cocky, and too good-looking for his own good, motherfucker he'd always been. The fun, fearless wise-ass I knew was obviously still in there, but a hard and dangerous edge that I had never seen before was there as well.

  "Wh...what are you doing here?" I asked in a confused and profoundly weary voice.

  His eyes filled with sudden concern. "Hey," he said worriedly. "I'm here to help you out of this mess."

  "How the fuck are you going to do that?" I asked softly with a dejected shake of my head.

  "By lawyering the shit out of it," he said cockily as he stuffed his hands in his pockets and smiling broadly at me. Just like that, the dangerous edge fell away to reveal the old Gareth I knew. It had always astounded me how much of a chameleon he was. Intense and focused one moment, then laid back and relaxed the next. In that sense, he didn't seem to have changed at all.

  "They let you into law school?" I asked incredulously with a small smile that I didn't even know I was capable of at that moment.

  "You always underestimated my charm and power of persuasion," he said with an amused smirk.

  "That's because I knew you were just full of shit," I shot back.

  "I'll have you know I graduated at the top of my class," he replied in a haughty arrogant tone as his grin widened.

  "I guess I shouldn't be surprised." I smiled wryly. "Lawyers are supposed to be full of shit, and you're the biggest bullshitter I know."

  "Yeah," he replied. "And how many times did my bullshit get us out of trouble."

  "Trouble that you caused," I snapped back.

  He shrugged unapologetically with another roguish grin. "Hey, I never twisted your arm and forced you to join in, and I always had your back."

  I snorted out small laugh. "I know." I lapsed into silence as I glanced around this shitty conference room, and my brief good mood fell away along with my smile. I sat and stared at the floor for a long moment, fighting the despair that threatened to overwhelm me again.

  "I've got your back now too, Ford," Gareth said gravely.

  I glanced up to see his sharp intelligent eyes focused on me like lasers, serious and intense now as he studied me closely.

  "I need to know everything."
He glided over to the table and sat across from me. He moved with a predatory grace that I didn't remember him having before, like he was completely in tune with his body. It made me wonder if he was into a martial art of some sort. He rested his elbows on the table and laced his fingers together as he eyed me expectantly.

  I sighed heavily, knowing where I had to start. He had to know that I was into shibari for everything else to make sense. Even though I knew Gareth, I was still hesitant to tell him. I hadn't seen the guy in fifteen years, and I wondered how much he'd changed, since I had too. He could have turned into a judgmental asshole for all I knew. I ran a hand through my hair anxiously. Fuck me. My personal shit was getting less and less personal. I wondered if I'd have anything left to keep to myself when this was over.

  "Ford," Gareth said sternly. "I'm a criminal defense attorney. I've worked with more violent hardened criminals than I can count. I've dealt with gang members, rapists, and cold-blooded killers. I've heard it all, and nothing you tell me will shock me. You're not one of them, so just throw it out there, man. I'm here to help you, not judge you." His eyes were sympathetic, and it helped me push forward. He couldn't help me, unless he knew everything.

  "Have you ever heard of shibari?" I asked him tentatively.

  "Japanese rope bondage, right?" he asked, his demeanor seemly unaffected by my revelation. His knowledge surprised me, and I stared at him agape for a moment. I couldn't read his face at all as he watched me calmly. Did he think I was a pervert, or did he not even care? I couldn't tell one way or the other. No wonder he was a lawyer.

  "Yeah," I answered quietly. "It's something I've been into for almost a decade now. It's always with consenting women. I've never forced myself on anyone, Gareth. It's not about that." I was surprised by my sudden and almost desperate need for him to believe and understand me. "I just...I just need control and the willing submission of my sex partners. I...I don't know how to explain it. It's just how I'm wired, but I'd never hurt anyone. I swear to God." I stared down at the table helplessly as silence fell oppressively on the room. I could feel Gareth watching me, but I didn't look up at him. I was afraid to meet his eyes for fear of his reaction.

  "I believe you, Ford," he said in a soft and sincere tone. I glanced up to see the sympathetic expression on his face. "And just so you know," he added with a wry twist of his lips, "there are a lot of other men with similar needs. Men who understand where you're coming from completely, and would never think less of you. As BDSM activities go, yours is pretty tame compared to the more aggressive appetites of some Doms." He raised one brow and cocked his head toward me meaningfully.

  Holy motherfucking hell, he was talking about himself. What kind of crazy shit was he into, and did I even want to know? Probably not, but the sudden wave of relief I felt from his revelation was profound and palpable. He really did believe me. Hell, he even understood, and as I began telling him everything that I could about my situation, I felt hope that there might actually be a way out of this nightmare.

  **********

  "If you knew what was going on already, why the hell did you make me go through all of it?" I asked Gareth in exasperation as I glared at him across the conference room table. "Especially the private shit."

  "It weeds out the liars," he answered nonchalantly as he shrugged one shoulder. "Many people lie in a situation like this."

  "When have you ever known me to be a liar?" I asked him with a growl.

  "I haven't," he answered calmly, "but I routinely work with criminals. It helps to figure out which ones are full of shit. If I go in playing ignorant of what I know, the dishonest ones always reveal themselves."

  "Fuck, you're such a...such a..." I trailed off as I refrained from calling him a few unsavory names. I needed his help and didn't want to piss him off.

  "Lawyer?" he suggested dryly as he arched one dark brow in amusement.

  I continued glaring at him. Holy hell, I'd forgotten what a sarcastic asshole Gareth Caxton could be sometimes. Plus, he always had an angle, and played his cards close to his chest if he thought he could use it to his advantage. I'd just never had it used on me. No wonder he ended up being a lawyer.

  "I'm not a goddamn criminal, Gareth," I snarled out indignantly.

  His face softened. "I know, Ford," he said gently. "I didn't mean to treat you like one. It's a force of habit for me to be cautious. I apologize."

  "When the fuck did you start apologizing to people?" I asked in surprise. The Gareth I knew rarely bothered apologizing for anything. Especially if he thought he could talk his way out of it instead.

  "When my divorce taught me some humility," he answered with a somber expression that was unexpected.

  "Oh, I'm sorry." I mumbled out sympathetically.

  "Don't be," he said sincerely with a small shake of his head. "I'm not. My marriage may not have ended well, but the divorce turned out to be the best thing I ever did for myself."

  I didn't know what to say to that. This wasn't the Gareth from fifteen years ago speaking.

  "Anyway," he continued. "Let's get back on track. We're not here to talk about me."

  I nodded. "Do you know anything about what Sarina is accusing me of?" I was still completely in the dark about why I was here.

  Gareth's face turned grave. "She's accusing you of restraining and raping her on multiple occasions. She claims that you threatened to reveal her activity on the fetish dating sight you met her through to the elementary school where she teaches, if she didn't let you do it. She says you also physically threatened her if she told anyone about it. I'm assuming from what you've told me that Bennett must be using something to blackmail her into making these accusations."

  My mouth gaped open in shock. The very notion of me doing anything even remotely close to that was so repugnant that it made me feel ill. Nausea roiled inside my stomach. "Fuck me," I murmured under my breath. How the hell had Carter managed this in such a short amount of time? What the fuck was he holding over Sarina's head to get her to accuse me of these horrible things?

  "It's my understanding that she has photos of the rope marks on her body from several different occasions when you were together," Gareth elaborated gravely.

  Sarina loved the rope marks I left on her body, and she told me on more than one occasion how sexy she thought they were. I remembered her taking photos of them with her phone a few times. I never thought she would do something like this with them. I told Gareth all of that.

  "Well, none of the images can probably prove it wasn't consensual," he replied reassuringly. "At this point, it's her word against yours, but with an investigation, that could change."

  "Investigation?" I asked in surprise.

  "I'm afraid that your life is going to be under a microscope until this over, Ford," he said sympathetically. "I'm sure the prosecutor will be pushing to get search warrants for your home once your charged with the crime at your arraignment. On the upside, after the arraignment they'll set bail, and we'll be able to get you out of here."

  "When is that?" I asked anxiously. I needed to get the fuck out of here and see Jenny.

  "You were fortunate enough to get arrested early in the morning, so the arraignment will be late this afternoon."

  "Can I use a phone before then?" I asked in a desperate tone. "I need to speak to Jenny, and let her know I'm okay."

  "They haven't let you call anyone yet?" he asked in annoyance.

  "No," I answered in a wavering voice. "I've pretty much been treated like I was guilty since I got here. I asked a few times, but they kept putting it off by telling me they were busy and would get to it later. Please. I need to talk to her. She's probably worried sick about me."

  "I'll take care of it, Ford," he said with a nod. "Just remember that the call will be monitored. I don't want you talking about the case with her."

  "I understand that," I answered with a nod. "I just...I just really need to hear her voice." My voice broke again, and my eyes began to sting. It wouldn't take much for me to br
eak down right now. I was at the tipping point of losing it, thanks to all the stress I'd already been through today.

  "Consider it done," he said sincerely. "The case against you is pretty weak, and I'm going to try to meet with the prosecutor before the arraignment while you call Jenny. Maybe I can get the case dismissed before that and get you out of here sooner. I don't want you to get your hopes up though. It's a long shot, but worth the effort I think."

  "Thank you, Gareth," I said in a heartfelt voice. "You have no idea how much I appreciate your help, or how much this means to me."

  "You're welcome, Ford," he said with a warm smile that turned wicked a moment later. "Although you might change your mind after you see my bill. My exceptional skills don't come cheap after all."

  "I'll keep that in mind," I replied with the first actual smile I managed since being arrested. Holy hell, Gareth was the only person I knew who could make cocky arrogance seem so damn charming.

  He stood with sinewy grace and stuck his hand out toward me. I stood and gripped it firmly. He gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. "I've got your back, Ford. Trust me. I'll do everything I can for you. I won't let you go down for something you didn't do. I promise." He released my hand and moved toward the door. "Sit tight." He motioned to the chair behind me. "I'll get you that phone call shortly."

  I nodded gratefully and watched him leave, then slumped back down in my chair to wait again. I hoped like hell that Gareth could deliver what he promised, but with a powerful man like Carter Bennett gunning for me, I couldn't help wondering if this battle was lost before it even began.

  **********

  "Hello?" Jen said after picking up on the first ring. Her voice was strained and so forlorn that it broke me.

  "Jen," I said softly. Even to me, my voice sounded broken and lost.

  "Ford," she blurted out in relief. "Oh thank God. Are you okay?"

  "No." I'd planned on lying and telling her I was fine, but the truth just came out against my will. "I'm so scared, honey." My voice shook with emotion as tears burst unbidden from my eyes. I closed them in shame as I sat holding the phone receiver to my ear in my cuffed hands. I was alone at least, sitting in a tiny bland office with an officer standing just outside, but I knew my weakness was being recorded for someone to listen to later.